Quotes: True Blood S01 E01 1x01 Strange Love

• Lafayette: (Thinking about Sookie joining Vampire Bill at his table) Looks like she likes 'em tall dark and dead. 

• Sookie: I am NOT psychic! 

• (Customer snaps his fingers to get Tara's attention for a drink)
  Tara: Uh-oh do... do not snap at me. I have a name. And that name is Tara. Isn't that funny a black girl being named after a plantation. No I don't think it's funny at all. In fact it really pisses me off that my momma was either stupid or just plain mean. Which is why you better be nice if you plan on getting a drink tonight.
  Customer: Sorry. 

• (Discussing hookers who specialize in vampires)
  Gran: Wonder how much one would charge for something like that?
  Jason: A thousand bucks.
  Sookie: See, now that just makes me sick.
  Gran: I know. What kind of cheap woman could ever do something like that?
  Sookie: No it makes me sick that they're getting a thousand bucks to lay there and do nothing while I bust my ass for ten bucks an hour plus tips. 

• Vampire Bill: Vampires often turn on those who trust them you know. We don't have human values like you.
  Sookie: Well, humans turn on those who trust them too.

• Denise: You don't wanna be on my bad side.
  Sookie: I'm not so sure you even have another side you no-account backwoods trash. 

• Sookie: What can I do for ya'll tonight?
  Mack: (Thinking) You can wrap your sweet lips around my slim reaper. 

• Woman in bar: (Looking at the man with her thinking) Don't you dare gripe about me eatin' fries. Not after what I did for you last night in the bedroom. Which, by the way, was disgusting. Although I kind of enjoyed it.

• Camo-clad vampire: (To the clerk who pretended to be a vampire) You ever pretend to be one of us again and I'll kill ya. Got it?
  Clerk: Yeah.
  Vampire: (Flashing fangs) Have a nice day now. 

• Sookie: (Realizing there is a vampire in the bar) I have been waiting for this moment since they came out of the coffin two years ago. 

• Teenager: (Thinking) What the hell is this music? Man, I can not wait to get the hell out of this podunk town.
  Sookie: (Responding to the teen's thoughts as if he spoke out loud) Well make sure you do, and before it's too late. Because every year you wait you just get more and more stuck here. Believe me, I know.
  Teenager: (Thinking) How'd she know what I was thinking. That's weird. 

• Nan: We're citizens. We pay taxes. We deserve basic Civil Rights just like everyone else. 

• Lafayette: Hey, Hookah. How you doin'? what are you doing here?
  Tara: I work here.
  Lafayette: Oh, no the hell you don't!
  Tara: Oh, yes the hell I do too, you ugly bitch.
  Lafayette: Shit. Sam must've lost his damned mind because you should not be allowed to work in no situation where you actually have to interact with the people. 

• Jason: I hooked up with Maudette last night, we had sex. That's all.
  Andy: How would you characterize the sex?
  Jason: Eh, it was okay. 

• Tara: If I did work here...
  Sam: It would only be a matter of time before you went off on somebody. I don't wanna drive my customers away.
  Tara: I only go off on stupid people.
  Sam: Most of my customers are stupid people. 

• Sookie: (Covering her neck with silver) I'm not a total fool.
  Bill: Oh, but you have other very juicy arteries. There is one in the groin that is a particularly favorite of mine.

• Tara: My life sucks.
  Sookie: Tara, don't you be feelin' sorry for yourself. That's just lazy.
  Tara: But why can't I keep a job?
  Sookie: Maybe because you can't keep your mouth shut.
  Tara: Bitch, who asked you?